I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
