She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
So vagazzling was a success
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
