My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
