is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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