they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
