Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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