If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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