I don't usually arrange sex via text message
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You dont lie about slip and slides
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I believe in your delicious
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
