There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
