ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
