I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
