Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
