break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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