who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
