I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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