Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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