Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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