So drunk its hurt
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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