shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
