He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize