i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
