I am puke
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
