omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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