you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
