Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
if i died would you start the facebook group?
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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