I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
