I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize