I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Randomize
