Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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