I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
