Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I can tuck mytits in my pants
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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