if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
