im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
