She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
