I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
