They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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