Well apparently he's into motor boating.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
