Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Your penis caused this!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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