Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
