I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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