your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
If i come over, it means nothing
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
