i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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