I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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