Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I think your dad took our porno
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
