and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
