so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
