just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
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