Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
