Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
false alarm, still single
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
