i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
