I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
