just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
