This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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