I wish I could teleport
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
