I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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