she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
