we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize