one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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