you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
