Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
