Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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