3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
