Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
