I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
