He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
