Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize