so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
