I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
