just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
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