I think I died a long time ago.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
If I die, sorry about rent.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
