I wannas sexs uuuuu
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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