I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
